A dildo should be pleasurable and comfortable, not painful or unsafe. However, complaints often arise from a few simple mistakes: starting too quickly, using too little lubricant, choosing the wrong size, or unsafely switching between anal and vaginal use. Especially if you experience pain, irritation, or a bruised feeling afterward, it's wise to critically review your technique and product choice. With the right preparation, suitable material, and attention to your body, you can prevent most problems.
The most common mistakes when using a dildo
The biggest mistakes when using a dildo almost always have to do with haste, wrong expectations, or an unsuitable toy. Many people start with a dildo that is too large, use too little lubricant, or don't pay enough attention to the material. Pain is also sometimes ignored, even though it's a clear signal to stop or build up more slowly.
Other common mistakes include skipping cleaning, anal use without a wide base, and switching directly from anal to vaginal use without properly cleaning the toy first. This can cause irritation and bacterial problems. If you use a dildo with a suction cup or for strap-on use, a sturdy base is extra important for control and safety.
- Starting too big or too thick
- Using no or too little lubricant
- Ignoring pain and continuing anyway
- Insufficient cleaning before and after use
- Choosing unsuitable material
- Anal use without a safe stop or wide base
- Moving too quickly or too roughly
- Switching between anus and vagina without cleaning
What should you absolutely not do with a dildo?
What you should absolutely not do with a dildo is force it. A dildo should never be inserted with pressure, pain, or haste. Your body needs to be relaxed and given enough time to get used to it. Especially for a first time or for anal use, building up slowly is more important than size or depth.
Also, do not use arbitrary objects as a replacement. Products not designed for internal use can have sharp edges, break, be porous, or get stuck. Instead, choose a dildo made of body-safe material such as silicone, glass, or metal, depending on your preference. Also, pay attention to the shape: for anal use, a wide base is not a luxury, but a safety requirement.
Finally, do not use unsuitable lubricant with the wrong material. Silicone lubricant can damage some silicone toys. Always check if your dildo is compatible with the lubricant you intend to use.
Choosing the wrong size
One of the biggest mistakes when using a dildo is starting with a size that doesn't match your experience or relaxation. Many people primarily look at length, while thickness is often more decisive for comfort in practice. A long or wide dildo can cause tension, pressure, or a burning sensation more quickly if your body is not yet accustomed to it.
For beginners, a slimmer model usually feels more pleasant. This allows you to better sense what feels good in terms of pace, depth, and angle. If you already have experience, you can slowly build up to larger or firmer. This applies even more strongly to anal use, as the anus does not produce natural lubrication and requires more preparation.
If you're in doubt between two sizes, usually choose the smaller one. More comfort often leads to more relaxation, and ultimately more pleasure. Also, read the extensive advice on dildo sizes and size advice.
Using too little lubricant
Too little lubricant is a direct cause of friction, irritation, and small tears. This applies to both vaginal and anal use, but even more so anally. The anus does not produce its own moisture, making lubricant essential for comfortable and safe use.
Why does it hurt internally after using a dildo? Often, it's a combination of too little lubricant, too rapid penetration, or the wrong size. Increased friction can irritate the mucous membrane, leading to a burning, pulling, or bruised sensation afterward.
In most cases, a water-based lubricant is a safe choice, especially if you're unsure about material compatibility. If you want to be sure which combination works, read which lubricant suits your dildo. Use generously and replenish as needed. Don't wait until it becomes uncomfortable, because by then it's usually too late.
Starting too quickly or forcing it
Your body needs time to relax. Inserting too quickly is therefore one of the most common causes of pain. This is especially true for people who want immediate full depth, without building up slowly. This causes muscles to tense more, making it more uncomfortable.
Starting slowly works better. Begin with superficial movements, pause regularly, and feel how your body reacts. Especially with a dildo with a realistic shape or a distinct shaft, the change in thickness can be extra noticeable. In such cases, working step by step instead of pushing through immediately helps.
If you feel resistance or pain, stop. Applying more pressure usually doesn't solve it, but rather aggravates it. If you want to know how to approach this step by step, read how to use a dildo safely.
Ignoring pain during or after use
Pain is not a sign that you should just push through. A slight sensation of getting used to it can be normal, but sharp pain, a burning sensation, cramps, or deep pressure are signals that something is wrong. Ignoring these signals increases the risk of irritation, small wounds, or prolonged complaints.
Complaints after dildo use can range from a bruised feeling to internal pain, mild abdominal pain, or sensitivity when sitting or moving. Especially after rough, long, or dry use, the tissue can become overworked. Rest, temporary cessation, and sufficient hydration usually help. In case of persistent pain, blood loss, or significant abdominal complaints, medical evaluation is advisable.
If you're wondering why it hurts internally after using a dildo, always look at these three factors first: size, lubricant, and pace. This is often where the cause lies in practice.
Unsafe anal use
Anal use requires extra caution. A common mistake is using a dildo without a wide base, handle, or safe stop. During anal use, a toy can slide further inside than intended, which can lead to a medical situation. Therefore, only choose toys that are explicitly suitable for anal use.
Additionally, problems often arise from building up too quickly, using too little lubricant, or using it under circumstances where you don't feel signals as well. Those who are less attuned to what feels pleasant or painful are more likely to cross boundaries. Therefore, rest, control, and focus are important.
If after anal use you experience persistent abdominal pain, blood, nausea, fever, or the feeling that something is wrong, contact a doctor. Shame is never a good reason to wait too long.
Choosing the wrong material
Not every material feels the same, and not every material is equally practical to use. A wrong choice can cause irritation, make cleaning more difficult, or lead to less comfort. Body-safe materials such as silicone, glass, and metal are often the best choice because they are smooth, sturdy, and easy to clean. Read more about body-safe dildo materials and certifications.
Silicone often feels soft and comfortable, but be careful with silicone lubricant if the toy is also made of silicone. Glass and metal are non-porous, sturdy, and easy to clean, but feel harder. This can be pleasant if you prefer more pressure, but less suitable if you are still figuring out what feels good. If you're in doubt between materials? Check out silicone vs. glass vs. metal: which dildo is right for you.
Avoid toys of questionable quality, strong chemical odor, or unclear material. Especially if you are sensitive to irritation, this is an unnecessary risk.
Poor hygiene before and after use
Good hygiene prevents irritation and reduces the risk of bacterial problems. Cleaning a dildo before and after use is therefore not a detail, but a basic step. Read more about dildo cleaning and maintenance. Use lukewarm water and a suitable toy cleaner or mild soap if the material allows. Then dry the toy thoroughly and store it clean and dust-free.
It is especially important that you never switch directly from anal to vaginal use without thorough cleaning in between. This can transfer bacteria and cause complaints. If you use a toy with a partner, a condom can be extra practical, especially if you want to switch between types of use.
| Situation | What to do |
|---|---|
| Before first use | Clean dildo according to material advice |
| After each use | Clean immediately and dry thoroughly |
| Switching from anal to vaginal | Clean completely first or change condom |
| Storage | Store clean, dry, and separately |
Not paying attention to body signals
Using a dildo works best when you remain consciously aware of what is happening. Many mistakes occur because someone is primarily focused on performance pressure, speed, or a specific size, and less on relaxation and the body's reaction. Precisely these signals tell you if you are in a good position regarding angle, pace, and depth.
If you notice tension, dryness, a stinging sensation, or a sudden uncomfortable pressure point, change what you are doing. More lubricant, a different angle, less depth, or just stopping for a moment often makes an immediate difference. That is not a failure, but smart use.
Safely using a dildo step-by-step
- Choose a dildo that matches your experience and desired use.
- Check that the material is body-safe and easy to clean.
- Clean the toy before use.
- Use plenty of lubricant, preferably a variant that suits the material.
- Start slowly and gradually build up depth and pace.
- Stop immediately if you experience sharp pain, burning, or clear resistance.
- Clean the dildo again afterward and store it clean.
When dildo-related complaints are a reason to seek help
Slight sensitivity or a temporary bruised feeling can occur, especially if you have tried something new. Some complaints, however, are beyond that. Seek medical help if you experience severe or persistent pain, blood loss, fever, nausea, cannot go to the toilet normally, or suspect that a toy is stuck.
This applies especially to internal pain after anal use, increasing abdominal pain, or the feeling that something is genuinely wrong. The sooner you get clarity, the better. Doctors hear about these types of situations more often than you might think.
FAQ about dildo use mistakes
Why does it hurt internally after using a dildo?
This is usually due to too little lubricant, inserting too quickly, a size that is too large, or too much pressure on sensitive tissue. If the pain persists or worsens, it is advisable to seek medical help.
What should you absolutely not do with a dildo?
Do not force it, do not start without lubricant, do not choose a model that is too large, and do not use unsafe objects as a substitute. For anal use, you should also never use a toy without a wide base.
Can you use a dildo without lubricant?
That is usually not a good idea. Without lubricant, friction, irritation, and discomfort are more likely to occur. For anal use, lubricant is practically essential.
How do you know if a dildo is too big?
If insertion remains difficult, you feel a lot of tension, experience pain, or notice that your body isn't relaxing, the size is likely not appropriate. Start smaller or slimmer.
How do you clean a dildo properly?
That depends on the material, but usually with lukewarm water and a suitable toy cleaner or mild soap. Clean before and after use and then store the dildo clean and dry.
Can you use the same dildo anally and vaginally?
Yes, but only if you clean it thoroughly in between or use a new condom. Switching directly without hygiene increases the risk of bacterial complaints.
Which lubricant is best for dildo use?
A water-based lubricant is often the safest all-round choice. For silicone toys, always check if the chosen lubricant is suitable for that material.
When should you stop using a dildo?
Stop if you experience sharp pain, burning, blood loss, a sudden pulling or deep pressure sensation, or if you notice your body cramping. Pleasure should not be accompanied by forcing.
How to avoid most problems
The chance of complaints becomes much smaller if you build up slowly, choose an appropriate size, use generous lubricant, and pay good attention to hygiene. Safe dildo use is not about perfection, but about listening to your body and making smart choices. This way, you avoid the most common mistakes when using a dildo and make the experience more comfortable, safer, and more enjoyable.