Using a dildo comes down to three things: comfort, safety, and discovering what feels good to you. Whether you're trying a dildo for the first time or want to get more out of your experience, the best approach is to build up slowly. With the right water-based lubricant, a comfortable position, and a dildo that matches your experience level, using it will not only be more enjoyable but also much more intuitive.
In this guide, you'll learn step-by-step how to use a dildo, what to pay attention to for vaginal and anal use, how to choose the right size, and how to properly clean your toy. This way, you'll know exactly how to experiment safely, whether solo or with a partner.
Start with relaxation and a setting where you feel comfortable
A dildo usually feels best when your body is already relaxed and aroused. Especially if you are a beginner, it helps not to immediately focus on penetration. First, take time to get in the mood and let your body get used to touch and excitement.
Choose a moment when you won't be disturbed. Make sure you have lubricant, a towel, and possibly a toy cleaner within reach. Many people find it pleasant to start with external stimulation, such as of the clitoris, labia, nipples, or anus. This helps your body relax faster and makes insertion feel less tense or sensitive.
- Ensure privacy and quiet
- Lay out lubricant and a towel
- Warm yourself up first with touch or a vibrator
- Choose a comfortable spot, such as a bed or sofa
- Don't force anything if your body isn't ready yet
What is the best sex toy for a beginner?
For beginners, a smaller, slimmer dildo is usually the best choice. A model made of soft silicone material often provides the most comfort, as it flexes slightly and feels less harsh during insertion. A smooth surface without pronounced ridges is also often more pleasant to start with.
If you're still unsure, read Choosing a Dildo: A Beginner's Guide and pay particular attention to these points:
- Size: choose compact rather than large
- Material: body-safe silicone is often the most accessible option
- Shape: smooth and slightly curved often works well
- Use: solo, with a partner, hands-free, or with a strap-on harness
- Purpose: vaginal, anal, or both
At LoveSecret, you'll find realistic dildos, glass dildos, anal dildos, suction cup dildos, double dildos, and strap-ons. This makes it easier to choose based on your experience and preference rather than just appearance.
Choose a dildo that suits your use
Not every dildo is used the same way. The shape, firmness, and base largely determine how a toy feels and what it's suitable for. If you primarily want to explore relaxedly, choose a slimmer model. If you want to specifically stimulate a certain spot, a curved dildo might be better.
Shape and stimulation
A straight dildo often provides a uniform sensation, while a curved model can better help stimulate the vaginal front wall or prostate. Realistic dildos often give a fuller sensation, while sleeker, smoother designs are sometimes more pleasant for beginners.
Material and feel
Silicone usually feels soft and skin-friendly. Glass and metal feel firmer and smoother, and are popular for those who enjoy pressure points or temperature play. Glass dildos, for example, can be made slightly warmer or cooler for extra sensation, as long as this is done safely and gradually.
Base and safety
For anal use, a wide or flared base is important. A dildo without a safe stop is not suitable for anal use. A suction cup dildo can be useful if you want to experiment hands-free on a smooth surface. Some models also have a sturdy base suitable for a strap-on harness.
Always use enough lubricant
Lubricant makes dildo use more comfortable and helps prevent irritation. Especially for your first time, this is not an extra, but an important part of pleasant use. Apply lubricant to the dildo and around the opening you want to stimulate.
For silicone dildos, water-based lubricant is usually the safest choice. It's gentle on the material and easy to clean. For anal use, you often need a bit more lubricant, as the body doesn't produce its own moisture there.
- Use generously, especially at the beginning
- Reapply if it starts to feel rough
- For silicone toys, preferably choose water-based
- Use extra lubricant for anal use
How to use a dildo step by step?
The best way to use a dildo is slowly, without pressure, and with attention to what your body finds pleasant. You don't have to penetrate deeply immediately or have a fixed rhythm. It's by exploring calmly that you discover what feels good.
- Wash your hands and clean the dildo before use.
- Get yourself in the mood with external stimulation.
- Apply lubricant to the dildo and your body.
- Place the tip of the dildo against the opening and don't push through immediately.
- Slowly insert the dildo a small amount.
- Pause and feel how your body reacts.
- Go a bit deeper if it feels good.
- Experiment with angle, pace, and depth.
- Stop or slow down immediately if anything feels painful or unpleasant.
Many beginners find it pleasant to first only stimulate the entrance. This can already be exciting and helps your body get used to the feeling of pressure and movement.
Which position works best?
There isn't one best way. The most comfortable position depends on your flexibility, the size of the dildo, and which area you want to stimulate. Therefore, try a few positions instead of immediately thinking it won't work.
- On your back: relaxed and easy to control the angle yourself
- With knees bent: often provides more control over depth
- On your side: comfortable and calm, especially for beginners
- Squatting or sitting: useful if you want to control the pace yourself
- Hands-free with suction cup: pleasant if you want to experiment with rhythm and position
A dildo with a suction cup can be attached to a smooth surface, allowing you to play more with posture and movement without having to control everything with your hand.
Play with depth, angle, and pace
Once the dildo is comfortably inserted, you can start varying. It's those small differences that often make the biggest difference in sensation. Deep is not automatically better. For many people, pleasant stimulation is closer to the entrance or at the front of the vagina.
Try:
- short, shallow movements
- slow, deeper movements
- tilting the dildo slightly towards the front wall
- holding still and applying light pressure
- gently twisting the dildo for extra sensation
By playing with penetration angles, you can better discover what works for you. A curved dildo can be extra pleasant if you want to specifically target the G-spot or prostate.
G-spot stimulation with a dildo
Those who use a dildo vaginally are often also curious about G-spot stimulation. This sensitive area is usually on the front wall of the vagina, a few centimeters from the entrance. Not everyone experiences this in the same way, so it's mainly a matter of calmly exploring.
A slightly curved dildo often works better for this than a completely straight model. Gently insert the dildo and tilt the tip towards your belly. Small, targeted movements or light pressure often have more effect than rapid thrusts. Some people experience an intense, full, or urging sensation, while others derive more pleasure from general vaginal stimulation. Both are normal.
Using a dildo anally
Using an anal dildo requires more preparation than vaginal use. The most important rule is to build up slowly and only use a toy with a wide, safe base. Because the anus does not lubricate itself naturally, sufficient lubricant is extra important here.
Start with external stimulation around the anus. Then you can carefully hold the tip of the dildo against the opening and apply light pressure as you exhale. Let your body set the pace. Once the initial tension subsides, you can calmly go a bit further. Forcing it usually backfires and makes it less pleasant.
For anal use, these are important points to consider:
- only use a dildo with a wide base or an anally safe stop
- use sufficient lubricant, preferably applied generously
- start with a small size as a beginner
- never go from anus to vagina without thoroughly cleaning in between
- stop immediately if you experience sharp pain or persistent discomfort
Using a dildo with your partner
A dildo can also be very enjoyable in interplay with a partner. In this case, communication is even more important than technique. Discuss beforehand what you want to try, what is sensitive, and what clear boundaries are. Especially if one of you has little experience, building up slowly is essential.
Let the person being penetrated indicate as much as possible what feels pleasant in terms of depth, angle, and pace. It's useful to start in a position where you can easily talk and stop or adjust. If you're using a strap-on, take your time to get used to the feeling, the harness, and controlling the movement.
After use: cleaning and storing your dildo
Cleaning a dildo is important for hygiene and for the lifespan of your toy. Always clean the dildo before and after use according to the material's instructions. In many cases, warm water with mild soap or a suitable toy cleaner is sufficient.
Afterward, let the dildo dry thoroughly and store it cleanly, preferably separately from other toys. This prevents damage to the material and keeps your dildo beautiful and safe to use for longer.
Short checklist after use
- rinse or wash the dildo clean immediately
- use a mild cleanser or toy cleaner
- dry thoroughly or allow to air dry completely
- store dust-free and clean
- preferably store in a separate bag or box
Common mistakes when using a dildo
- trying to insert too quickly without arousal
- using too little lubricant
- choosing a size that's too large as a beginner
- using an anal toy without a wide base
- not considering material and lubricant compatibility
- not cleaning the dildo properly before or after use
- ignoring pain instead of stopping or adjusting
Frequently asked questions about how to use a dildo
Does using a dildo hurt?
No, if you are relaxed, use enough lubricant, and build up slowly, a dildo should not hurt. Pain is usually a sign that you are going too fast, are not aroused enough, or that the dildo does not suit your level.
How do I know what size dildo to choose?
As a beginner, it's best to choose a slim, not too long dildo. From there, you can always go larger later if you find you prefer more fullness or intensity. You can read Dildo Sizes and Size Advice if needed.
What is a woman's most pleasurable spot?
That varies per person. Many women find the clitoris to be the most sensitive, while others enjoy stimulation of the G-spot, the vaginal entrance, or a combination of internal and external stimulation. Discovering what works for you is more important than searching for one universal best spot.
Can you use a dildo without lubricant?
You can sometimes, but it's usually less comfortable. Lubricant reduces friction and makes insertion more pleasant. For anal use, lubricant is practically indispensable.
Can you use a dildo hands-free?
Yes, with a suction cup dildo, you can experiment hands-free on a smooth surface. This is useful if you want to play with positions, rhythm, and depth.
Can you use a glass dildo safely?
Yes, provided it is a quality product intended as a sex toy. Glass dildos are smooth, sturdy, and suitable for temperature play. Always check for damage and use them carefully.
Which dildo is suitable for anal use?
An anal dildo must always have a wide base or a clear stop. Without such a safe base, a dildo is not suitable for anal use.
Choosing a dildo that truly suits you
How you use a dildo is strongly related to which dildo you choose. If you want to start calmly, a smaller silicone model is often the safest and most pleasant start. If you are looking for more targeted stimulation, a curved dildo might be a better fit. For hands-free use, a suction cup is handy, for temperature play glass is interesting, and for experimenting together, a strap-on or double dildo might be more suitable.
At LoveSecret, you'll find dildos for various preferences and experience levels, from realistic models and glass dildos to anal dildos, suction cup dildos, double dildos, and strap-ons. This way, you can not only start safely but also discover what best suits your body and wishes, with extra attention to everything you need to know about body-safe materials.